Alec Wood, the man who will save Merseyside.

The Commander-in-Chief of the Spare Bedroom.
Alec Wood’s Quest to Save Merseyside

In the leafy suburbs of Merseyside, behind a door marked “Strictly Authorised Personnel Only” (which is also where he keeps his ironing board), lives the most important man you’ve never heard of. Meet Alec Wood: retired teacher, full-time visionary, and the self-appointed guardian of our digital souls.

While you’re worrying about whether your Netflix buffer will survive a rainy Tuesday, Alec is preparing for the Big One. We’re talking about a ‘Black Start’ the kind of total societal collapse where the internet dies, the grid fails, and the only thing left standing is Alec’s unwavering belief in the power of the 2-meter band.

The War Room (Next to the En-Suite)

From his command centre conveniently located in his spare bedroom, Alec runs RAYNET Merseyside. It is here that he orchestrates the defence of the realm, surrounded by the comforting hum of vintage cooling fans and the faint scent of Earl Grey tea.

Alec’s primary output consists of “Confidential” reports. These documents, typed with the gravitas of a man who knows exactly where the emergency biscuits are hidden, are hand-delivered to local Resilience Officers. To the untrained eye, they look like the ramblings of a man who misses marking Year 9 geography papers; to Alec, they are the blueprints for Merseyside’s survival.

The Grand Strategy

The plan is simple, elegant, and entirely terrifying:

The Scenario: All modern encrypted emergency communication systems (worth hundreds of millions) fail simultaneously.
The Solution: Alec deploys a crack squad of Amateur Radio Geeks.
The Hardware: High-vis vests that haven’t fit since 1994 and walkie-talkies that struggle to penetrate the walls of a sturdy Lidl.

According to Alec, these hobbyists will seamlessly reconnect the Police, Fire, and Rescue services. One can only imagine the Chief Constable’s relief knowing that, in the midst of a national crisis, they can rely on “Radio Ron” from Southport to relay tactical data between bursts of static and discussions about his gout.

The “Professional” Retainer

Perhaps the most impressive part of Alec’s operation isn’t the tech—it’s the funding. In a stroke of genius that would make any grifter weep with envy, Alec has convinced the local councils to pay him a retainer!

Yes, taxpayers are currently subsidising Alec’s “fantasies” under the guise of “Emergency Planning.” The councils pay up, presumably because it’s easier than checking if Alec actually knows how to use his own equipment, or perhaps they just enjoy the “Top Secret” stamps he uses on his invoices.

The Man, The Myth, The Mitty

Despite his “Commander” status, Alec operates with the secrecy of a Cold War double agent. He never allows his fellow radio amateurs to see “The Plans.”

“It’s for their own protection,” Alec likely whispers to his cat. “The burden of such knowledge is too great.”

In reality, the secret is probably that the plan is written in Crayon on the back of a 2018 calendar. By keeping his “troops” in the dark, Alec avoids the one thing he fears more than a power surge: being challenged by someone who actually knows how a radio works.

So, sleep easy, Merseyside. Even if the world goes dark and the satellites fall from the sky, Alec Wood is awake in his slippers, clutching a walkie-talkie, and waiting for his moment to shine. Just don’t ask to see the paperwork.